2001-03-31

2001-03-27

The Rules

After long study and deep contemplation, I have finally managed to capture the rules that are the foundation of a happy relationship. I share these now with you in the hope that they will bring to you at least some small part of the marital bliss that they have brought to my home.

  1. Momma gets what Momma wants.
  2. You must never forget Rule 1.
  3. If you do forget Rule 1, your only hope of redemption is to get Momma more of what Momma wants.
  4. Don't ask what Momma wants — you are supposed to know what Momma wants.
  5. You must always pay very close attention to Momma; only then will you know what Momma wants.
  6. If you follow The Rules, Momma may permit you to get what you want.
  7. Momma wants you to follow The Rules.

Of course, implicit in this is Rule 0: "Momma makes The Rules".

2001-03-17

umami

HINT: It is not the correct response when your mother asks you "Who do you love?"

2001-03-03

roebuck

HINT: It is not the amount of money required to buy an ounce of caviar.